Sometimes, we just want to forget but it is just so difficult. We keep telling ourselves and mumbling out that we should let go and we should move on, but internally our heart have not release. That will lead us to living a double life. As we go on living our daily life trying to correct the past and change, deep down inside we are still carrying another life. This translates to the memories, heartaches, dreams and nightmares which we may get at times when they come into our memory.
Clearly, we can forgive but we can’t forget. We need to build a new set of memory space, we can’t reboot and reformat our whole memory space cause that is only when a kind of sickness occurs and we do not really want that.
But moving on isn’t that easy, it is not really okay to just find a “replacement” and cover the torn patch inside us. We are humans and we have feelings, we get hurt and then we cannot just ctrl+delete that away.
No need to try to be righteous but the feeling of replacing makes one feel a traitor, a betrayor and a loser. Cause the promise of being the one and only can get so frail and weakened over time, it goes to show how weak that promise is.
I can’t carry on to ramble on not because I don’t have any idea but I do not want to. Know the difference and understand that, I am not weak, I am zsiti.
I need another break soon, out of Singapore. See you Malaysia, I am coming for you!